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When I'm not here, it certainly speaks volumes for how busy I am.
So long story short, the ex and I were doing wonderfully. His behavior had improved, we were happy, we loved each other, then he dumped me. Again. In March -_-. In his defense, he was nice about it this time, which led to me having hell just trying to get past all of it. As in, crying a full week after he dumped me, which was an awesome way to spend my week off, btw. Then more of the same the majority of the next week I worked (I hid in the bathroom, mostly >.>), then off and on for the next few weeks after. Note to self: do not watch Collateral Beauty when going through a hard time...
I mean, seriously...I had a complete fucking meltdown.
In the process of all this, I had an epiphany, became a fully practicing Wiccan as a result, I have been studying psych and human behavior like a lunatic, I have become a meditation master, and decided to learn how to play the cello as a way to keep myself from continuing the cyclic-depression that was debilitating me so completely (my first lesson was yesterday!). I have to admit, I have never in my life felt so disjointed and so utterly lost for such a long time that I have gone this damned insane because of it. Congrats, Mater AssHat. I would tip my hat, but that is just too much recognition for an otherwise shitty event. My only happiness is that he was sad and cried by the end too, but he wouldn't do so while I was crying, and I only know he was when I kissed him goodbye and felt him choke.
So...yeah, I haven't been in the best of life positions. It wasn't this hard when he dumped me the first time. Then again, love wasn't involved in that occasion, either, so that makes things much different, apparently. I ended up putting all of his gifts to me into a little plastic bin under my bed so that I wouldn't have to see them. And no, I am not throwing them away. They are my gifts, and I have no intention of tossing out my perfectly good gifts. I just can't stand the sight of them right now. Aaaaand I ended up having to buy a new tarot deck because I can't use the one he gave me (my despair will pollute it).
As of now, my current position is as follows:
--After my epiphany, it seems that Aphrodite has taken me in. Ironic and fitting since relationships are my greatest weakness. So after over a decade of declared polytheism with no particular loyalties to any specific deity, I guess that love itself wanted my following.
--I feel I have at last managed to stabilize myself mentally. I haven't cried since I became serious about meditating, and that has been a few weeks, now. I was so freaking chipper yesterday, it was ridiculous o.O. I feel that was the start of the super good days I think I'm going to have, but we'll see what work does to me. When I'm not there, I feel fantastic. When I am...yeah, shit goes sideways. I think that as long as I keep doing what I have been doing, I should be quite well. The funny part is that Mater AssHat has been doing meditation for months to years and still seems to be very much at odds with himself. Me? I've been at this only about two weeks and feel incredible. Maybe this is his karma, lol.
--Now that I'm single, I can resume my quest to be rid of this shitty job of mine. I'm planning on being out of there by October. No details to be provided at this time. I just have some really positive feelings about it <3.
--Doing jewelry as a business is more than likely not going to pan out since I'm the only one doing it and I would need a serious amount of help to make my efforts worth it, but I'll still be doing it for myself and charging people when they want something, lol. Still, I'll see what I need. I might just spend some time making things and sell them all in one big blob at conventions or on websites or something.
That's my life. I know it's going to get better; I'm not even worried about it. The only thing I have a slight concern about is tomorrow, as Master AssHat and I will likely see each other at work. Time to meditate!
So long story short, the ex and I were doing wonderfully. His behavior had improved, we were happy, we loved each other, then he dumped me. Again. In March -_-. In his defense, he was nice about it this time, which led to me having hell just trying to get past all of it. As in, crying a full week after he dumped me, which was an awesome way to spend my week off, btw. Then more of the same the majority of the next week I worked (I hid in the bathroom, mostly >.>), then off and on for the next few weeks after. Note to self: do not watch Collateral Beauty when going through a hard time...
I mean, seriously...I had a complete fucking meltdown.
In the process of all this, I had an epiphany, became a fully practicing Wiccan as a result, I have been studying psych and human behavior like a lunatic, I have become a meditation master, and decided to learn how to play the cello as a way to keep myself from continuing the cyclic-depression that was debilitating me so completely (my first lesson was yesterday!). I have to admit, I have never in my life felt so disjointed and so utterly lost for such a long time that I have gone this damned insane because of it. Congrats, Mater AssHat. I would tip my hat, but that is just too much recognition for an otherwise shitty event. My only happiness is that he was sad and cried by the end too, but he wouldn't do so while I was crying, and I only know he was when I kissed him goodbye and felt him choke.
So...yeah, I haven't been in the best of life positions. It wasn't this hard when he dumped me the first time. Then again, love wasn't involved in that occasion, either, so that makes things much different, apparently. I ended up putting all of his gifts to me into a little plastic bin under my bed so that I wouldn't have to see them. And no, I am not throwing them away. They are my gifts, and I have no intention of tossing out my perfectly good gifts. I just can't stand the sight of them right now. Aaaaand I ended up having to buy a new tarot deck because I can't use the one he gave me (my despair will pollute it).
As of now, my current position is as follows:
--After my epiphany, it seems that Aphrodite has taken me in. Ironic and fitting since relationships are my greatest weakness. So after over a decade of declared polytheism with no particular loyalties to any specific deity, I guess that love itself wanted my following.
--I feel I have at last managed to stabilize myself mentally. I haven't cried since I became serious about meditating, and that has been a few weeks, now. I was so freaking chipper yesterday, it was ridiculous o.O. I feel that was the start of the super good days I think I'm going to have, but we'll see what work does to me. When I'm not there, I feel fantastic. When I am...yeah, shit goes sideways. I think that as long as I keep doing what I have been doing, I should be quite well. The funny part is that Mater AssHat has been doing meditation for months to years and still seems to be very much at odds with himself. Me? I've been at this only about two weeks and feel incredible. Maybe this is his karma, lol.
--Now that I'm single, I can resume my quest to be rid of this shitty job of mine. I'm planning on being out of there by October. No details to be provided at this time. I just have some really positive feelings about it <3.
--Doing jewelry as a business is more than likely not going to pan out since I'm the only one doing it and I would need a serious amount of help to make my efforts worth it, but I'll still be doing it for myself and charging people when they want something, lol. Still, I'll see what I need. I might just spend some time making things and sell them all in one big blob at conventions or on websites or something.
That's my life. I know it's going to get better; I'm not even worried about it. The only thing I have a slight concern about is tomorrow, as Master AssHat and I will likely see each other at work. Time to meditate!
