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A date that I was thinking would only be a couple hours before he blew up on me ended up going for almost eleven hours of talking. Two movies, too. Things...went pretty well.

I got there early, as expected, and it was good that I did. He wanted to take me to some restaurant for breakfast. Naturally, they had no real parking, so since it was close to his house, I parked in the lot right next the one I used to park in when we were dating seeing each other. I told him where I was and suggested we walk together. So I read until he came up to my car (best weapon choice ever!).

The outfit had the desired effect <3. The top was lower than I recalled, so it exposed my bra here and there when I moved, but I didn't care. With all the reasons women are finding to have their underwear intentionally exposed (bralette, anyone?), I was fine with what little was seen of mine. He...was certainly not complaining. His expression was priceless. I don't think I've ever seen a man look at me so hard for so long with such amazement and...longing...? I don't know. It's a hard facial expression to explain, lol. It was like a I was a brand new thing called "woman", and he wanted one, too! Well, however you'd like to try and describe it, I can say this for certain--he has never looked at me like that before.

We talked about idle things until after breakfast. The night before, I had made it abundantly clear that we were going to talk about the things he said, so there was no surprise. We went back to his place and got the dogs, then we walked and talked. And talked. Aaaaand talked. He was good about answering all of my questions. I played no games. I asked him detailed questions and broad question about his past, putting together the puzzle of his bad behavior. He had answered everything almost exactly as I had expected; horrible childhood, few improvements with age, lots of pain and strained relationships, and relatively horrible choices in mates. Sad, but my hunches were almost perfect. Not sure how I should feel about that...

He did apologize. It wasn't as wonderful as I would have liked, but really, when you're hurt by someone and just want an apology from them, when is the actual apology ever enough when it doesn't play out exactly as you imagined in your head? At any rate, the past has proven that he doesn't deliver the best sounding apologies, so I suppose it was what it was. The one thing I hadn't banked on was how I'd feel afterwards. I guess I was expecting some kind of great weight to be removed from me, but...nothing. I still felt hollow. I still feel hollow...but he gave me lots of answers to very personal questions, and I was more than happy to give him the hug he asked for after we had finished the main chat. .....It.....was a really long, nice hug. If I had been uncertain then, I knew for certain after that how much he seemed to miss me. He kept his arm around my waist and purposely kept his hand on my side just under my shirt as we wrapped up our walk and went back to his place.

He wanted a lot of touching. Like, a lot. Though I hadn't really wanted to be touched by anyone in the time leading up to that, I allowed him as much contact as I was willing. No sex; I had a little more self-respect than that =3, and honestly didn't want to. Still, he admitted how attracted he was to me, to the point that I caught him staring when we watched the first movie together. Still, I have to give him props for being clever and picking up on my general resistance and suspicion--he played slow and steady, and I watched his game and allowed it to play out.

He's not bad. I don't really know what the future will hold, but he doesn't seem too broken up about not having sex. I told him that we need to work on our communication above all else, and to find friendship within that context, and he agreed that talking was something we did, indeed, lack from before. He could just be jerking me around, and getting ready to pounce, but if he's willing to play ball with me, there might be hope. Rather, I know there's hope. We just need to talk.

We watched the second movie and cuddled a bit, and he was just thrilled to be touched again. I had expected that he'd be seeing someone else by now, but judging by what he said and how he was acting with me--and how he looked! He has a huge beard! XD--it sounds like he's been just as single as me. We'll see. My guard is still very, very, VERY high.

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DeadJinx

September 2017

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