deadjinx: (Default)
A date that I was thinking would only be a couple hours before he blew up on me ended up going for almost eleven hours of talking. Two movies, too. Things...went pretty well.

I got there early, as expected, and it was good that I did. He wanted to take me to some restaurant for breakfast. Naturally, they had no real parking, so since it was close to his house, I parked in the lot right next the one I used to park in when we were dating seeing each other. I told him where I was and suggested we walk together. So I read until he came up to my car (best weapon choice ever!).

The outfit had the desired effect <3. The top was lower than I recalled, so it exposed my bra here and there when I moved, but I didn't care. With all the reasons women are finding to have their underwear intentionally exposed (bralette, anyone?), I was fine with what little was seen of mine. He...was certainly not complaining. His expression was priceless. I don't think I've ever seen a man look at me so hard for so long with such amazement and...longing...? I don't know. It's a hard facial expression to explain, lol. It was like a I was a brand new thing called "woman", and he wanted one, too! Well, however you'd like to try and describe it, I can say this for certain--he has never looked at me like that before.

We talked about idle things until after breakfast. The night before, I had made it abundantly clear that we were going to talk about the things he said, so there was no surprise. We went back to his place and got the dogs, then we walked and talked. And talked. Aaaaand talked. He was good about answering all of my questions. I played no games. I asked him detailed questions and broad question about his past, putting together the puzzle of his bad behavior. He had answered everything almost exactly as I had expected; horrible childhood, few improvements with age, lots of pain and strained relationships, and relatively horrible choices in mates. Sad, but my hunches were almost perfect. Not sure how I should feel about that...

He did apologize. It wasn't as wonderful as I would have liked, but really, when you're hurt by someone and just want an apology from them, when is the actual apology ever enough when it doesn't play out exactly as you imagined in your head? At any rate, the past has proven that he doesn't deliver the best sounding apologies, so I suppose it was what it was. The one thing I hadn't banked on was how I'd feel afterwards. I guess I was expecting some kind of great weight to be removed from me, but...nothing. I still felt hollow. I still feel hollow...but he gave me lots of answers to very personal questions, and I was more than happy to give him the hug he asked for after we had finished the main chat. .....It.....was a really long, nice hug. If I had been uncertain then, I knew for certain after that how much he seemed to miss me. He kept his arm around my waist and purposely kept his hand on my side just under my shirt as we wrapped up our walk and went back to his place.

He wanted a lot of touching. Like, a lot. Though I hadn't really wanted to be touched by anyone in the time leading up to that, I allowed him as much contact as I was willing. No sex; I had a little more self-respect than that =3, and honestly didn't want to. Still, he admitted how attracted he was to me, to the point that I caught him staring when we watched the first movie together. Still, I have to give him props for being clever and picking up on my general resistance and suspicion--he played slow and steady, and I watched his game and allowed it to play out.

He's not bad. I don't really know what the future will hold, but he doesn't seem too broken up about not having sex. I told him that we need to work on our communication above all else, and to find friendship within that context, and he agreed that talking was something we did, indeed, lack from before. He could just be jerking me around, and getting ready to pounce, but if he's willing to play ball with me, there might be hope. Rather, I know there's hope. We just need to talk.

We watched the second movie and cuddled a bit, and he was just thrilled to be touched again. I had expected that he'd be seeing someone else by now, but judging by what he said and how he was acting with me--and how he looked! He has a huge beard! XD--it sounds like he's been just as single as me. We'll see. My guard is still very, very, VERY high.

deadjinx: (Default)
I swore to myself that I wouldn't worry over this, and as usual, I'm worrying over it. God...what does that man want? He already ripped my guts open--what more is left? I've been asking myself this repeatedly over this week, and still haven't found a decent answer.

What does he want?
Will he apologize?
Does he plan to shrug it off as if it was nothing?
Does he just want to hook up or something?
Should I bring a weapon?

...Ok, to be fair, the last question was put into my head by my coworker -_-;;. *sigh* That damn woman. She is definitely on the side of, "block his f-ing number and to hell with him." So she says to me:
"Don't be like Obsessed."
Me: "What do you mean? I don't even know his Book of Face AND I have certainly not been stalking him! Sure, he lives around Dick's, but because of his proximity, I certainly don't want to go to that one unless I know he's at work!"
Her: "No, not you. Him."
Me: *takes a minute to think* ".....Ooooooooooh. Come on. I don't think he's like that."
Her: "Just sayin'. Might want to carry something is all."

Heh, I hate her just a little bit.

My next sage advice came from P'pa (an older fellow I know from work ^-^). After I told him the whole story of the dumping and how impossibly nasty he was to me, and after asking if there was any way in hell I'd get back with him, he told me to stick it where it counts, and dress all the same. His suggestion? Something tight and short and ultra low with sexy heels, hahaha! "Show him what he decided to throw away!" was his advice. Lol, men =). I'll take as much of his advice as I can, but I don't own a skirt that short. I really don't want to buy one, either...

Time for work. At least I've been sleeping well. So tired from work...
deadjinx: (Default)
I'm realizing my lacking fondness for the phrase "when it rains, it pours"...

A fellow from my job that had unusually high hopes for being in a relationship with me last year texted me out of the blue this week. He has my number because I gave it to him (I felt bad saying no, damn it!), and he hasn't really bothered me since Xmas. At the time of his entrance into my days, I was seeing the Master AssHat. As I don't get into the habit of announcing my relationship status, I'm sure he assumed I was single (and looking, apparently...), and began his pursuit. He wanted to "take me out," and I just genuinely didn't want to go. I wasn't interested then, and I'm not interested now. He has dated so many women in the hospital! Did he think I hadn't noticed or remembered that?! And anyway, I don't like shopping for mates at work if I can help it. Makes life easier when things don't work out, you know? Anyway, he had basically left me alone shortly after xmas, which made me think he had finally gotten the message, or found someone else. Sooo not the case.....

He shot me a text around the beginning of my work week asking how I was and if I wanted to go out with him somewhere (again). He wanted to walk me to my car the last Monday I was at work, but thank the lord, I was super busy and wasn't able to get that walk! I felt good that I had managed not to see him at all that week, too! Still, he's back to texting me more than I'd like...*sigh*. I know he doesn't get it, but I am just not that into him, and right now, I am loving not having to deal with another person's feelings. Cold truth, my friends!

As if things were odd enough with him contacting me again, guess who else has started talking? The darling Ex himself. Yeeeeaahhhh...just about chocked on my dinner when I saw his text last night. It would seem I've been on his mind "for the past few months" (sorry, but I have to say how fucking insane that sentence is! The is coming from Mr. We've-only-been-dating-for-12-days-not-3-months. It hasn't even been nine WEEKS since he dumped me! So since we just HAVE to be technical, a "few" is defined as "three or more." There. We can now move on.). He said he's been reluctant to talk to me because he's been "struggling with aspects of life and did not want to behave in a disrespectful or needy way."


Since it was late when he text me (he was at work. It was slow. Fine time for an epiphany...?), and even later when he got that last bit out, I ultimately had to tell him to try again later on today after 11:45a. I need to sleep sometime, and I had a lot of running around to do after my walk this morning! Thing is, he hasn't gotten back to me. I'm neither shocked nor disappointed. He never gave me a chance to bond to him, so, ya know...meh. He probably slept in or something and ended up rushing into work at the last minute. Show's how important that conversation was to him, right?

Still, I can't help but wonder what he will say; what he expects will happen. I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm honestly not expecting to get any kind of apology from him. He probably just wants someone to talk to, and I happened to be "it" at that moment. Maybe he already resolved his issue by talking to Lydia (this friend of his who was having a family crisis very, very shortly after mine, but she was more important than I was, so he physically went to her to offer support and wouldn't even talk to me via text. She has a son and a boyfriend, yet she was more important than his girlfriend the person he was seeing...) or maybe even Katie. Or maybe he was high when he text me, and forgot after he sobered! Lol!

Then again, maybe he just got cold feet. I admit, I probably wasn't as friendly as I typically am, but nowhere is it written that it's necessary to be nice to a man who turned into a monster when asked how he felt about his girlfriend the person he was sleeping with.


deadjinx: (Default)

August 2017

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