My mate has essentially dumped me because of something I had said in past tense that I can only imagine he interpreted as present tense--given how he reacted--and wouldn't let me finish what I was saying. He said that "sex was off the table" (Was that supposed to hurt? I'm asexual, and very, very rarely get involved with anyone as a result...), and pointed out that after we had started seeing each other, I started to withdraw emotionally. Umm...what did he expect would happen after he told me he'd "never fall in love again" after the last one--who was kind of bat-shit, by the way--ripped his heart out? Saying that was basically like telling me I'd never win the horse race. So tell me, where--in that statement--does it even make sense for me to get emotionally involved?
He also doesn't feel like being in a relationship with me due to my work schedule being too inconvenient (news to me!), which was something I was going to address by telling him I was going to take classes to do something else anyway. He also said that my life is set up in such a way that it doesn't allow for relationships, which he used as yet another reason to make me feel bad for admitting that I wanted a relationship with him "right now." Never mind that I said I was willing to wait until he felt more comfortable with relationships in general (again, typically asexual, so patience is abundant), so long as there was a chance. So, while that whole conversation was supposed to be about me working up to, "let's work on seeing each other more often," it ended up being, quote: "I don't see you being a very good person to have a relationship with." ...Nice. My feelings don't matter or anything. I get yelled at for not hanging on and remembering your every little word, yet you can't remember me saying that I actually do want a relationship, and all of that was said long before you asked me out.
With the expected anxiety of the break-up making my chest hurt, my dad being unusually sick hasn't helped. He just got hospitalized about two hours ago, which was when the doctors found out that he'd had a stroke a couple weeks ago. That would explain his very peculiar behavior. Back to my mate, he said I could still call or text him if I needed to talk (despite basically not wanting to see me anymore, he still thinks I'm a good person, just not a good girlfriend). So, I text him and ask if we can talk over the phone, or if I can meet up with him at his place after work. What does he say? That he's sick and doesn't feel like talking or seeing anyone. The one time I chose to involve someone in handing my anxiety attack with me, they bail.
Thanks for that, love.
Thank you so very much for reminding me why I don't get involved.
Thank you for calling me stupid.
Thank you for saying I'm not worth anything to you.
Thank you for not keeping your promise to talk with me.